Advices at the wedding ceremony:

When the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) delivered a bride to her groom, they used to command her with kind treatment, serving, and caring for the husband. So, it is desirable to advise both spouses at their wedding to treat each other kindly and take care of each other, moreover command them with intimacy and compassion.

One of the most famous advices was the advice of Asma' ibn Kharijah Al Fazary for her daughter at the wedding night when she said to her:

"Now, you are coming out of the house in which you were brought up to a new house which you do not know, and a mate whom you are not familiar with. So, be like a ground for him in order to be a sky for you, and be a slave girl for him in order to be a slave for you. Do not persist in asking, so that he would hate you. (1)

Do not stay away from him in order not to forget you. If he approaches you, approach him and when he stays away, stay away. Protect his nose, ears, and eyes in order not to smell bad odor from you, hear bad words from you, or see something unpleasant in you." (2)

Umamah, the daughter of Al Harith, advised her daughter when she was sent to her groom saying: "O my daughter, if advice had been abandoned for the high good-manner or for the good lineage of a girl, I would not have advised you. However, it is a reminder for the heedless and an aid for the wise.

O my daughter, if a girl can live without a husband because of the richness of her parents and their dire need to her, I am the richest of all, but women are created for men and for them men are created.

O my daughter, you have left my body to the world and left the nest in which you lived to go to a house you do not know and a mate whom you are not familiar with. So, by the right of marriage, he has become your king, so be a slave girl for him in order to be a slave for you.

Keep the following ten qualities to be your provision:

As for the first and the second, live with him with contentment, compliance, and obedience because contentment comforts the heart and Kind treatment pleases the Lord.

As for the third and the fourth, put your eyes to wherever he would like to look and beware of the odors he does not like. So, he would not see but beautiful scenes and do not smell but nice odors.

As for the fifth and the sixth, pay attention to the times of his meals and the time of his sleep because the heat of hunger is harsh and disturbing sleep makes a person angry.

As for the seventh and the eighth, preserve his money and care for his servants and children because good management to his money makes you favorable to him and good care for his children makes you near to him.

As for the ninth and the tenth, do not reveal his secrets and do not disobey his commands because if you reveal his secrets, you shall not be away from his punishment and if you disobey his commands, he shall hate you. Furthermore, avoid joy if he is sad and avoid depression if he is happy because the first will be negligence to his feeling and the second will sadden him. The more you respect him, the more he respects you and the more you obey him, the more he likes your companionship. O my daughter, let it be known that you cannot do that but after you advance his satisfaction to yours and his desires to yours whether for the things you like or hate. And Allah shall destine goodness for you. Peace be upon you." (3)

(1) Do not ask too much demands or persist in asking in order not to hate you.

(2) Ahkam An-Nisa' of Ibn Al Jawzy p. 73.

(3) Ahkam An-Nisa' p. 74.

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